What should I do if my boss is bullying me?

What should I do if my boss is bullying me?

Bullying by a manager broadly comes in two forms:

  1. Direct sexual or non-sexual harassment – this is the kind of behaviour that can make you uncomfortable or fearful because it is aggressive or inappropriate.
  2. Abuse of managerial power – this involves making unreasonable requests, setting impossible deadlines, withholding resources and opportunities and generally making work life extremely stressful.

Direct harassment tends to be easier to identify and label as inappropriate. Rudeness, shouting, getting physical: these are all aggressive behaviours that are clearly inappropriate in the workplace.

Abuse of managerial power can be much harder to pin down. When is a boss being “demanding but fair” vs “unreasonable”? We reward leaders that push their teams to high performance so how can you know when it crosses a line?

Tough boss or bully?

There are a few questions you can ask to get a feel for whether a team leader is engaged in bullying or is just setting demanding but reasonable targets:

    1. Is everyone in the team subject to the same standards and workload or are some people being treated worse than others? If some are being single out for poor treatment, this is more likely to be bullying.
    2. Is feedback given with respect or is it insulting? Does the manager use insults and put-downs to “encourage” performance? Insults are not reasonable managerial behaviour.
    3. Is it reasonable to assume the workload is achievable or are the demands clearly impossible to fulfill and setting up employees for failure?
    4. Are deadlines set because of genuine business needs or are they arbitrary? Do deadlines make sense or seem to be set to simply torment the victim?
    5. Where are the demands coming from?  In some cases, there may be a resource issue beyond the control of the team leader. If the stress is coming from higher up in the organisation, this does not mean there isn’t a management problem, but it may not rest with the manager tasked with ensuring targets are met.

Should I report?

How you choose to handle the situation depends on a few factors:

  • Are you unsure you are being bullied? If you are feeling afraid and stressed out, you are probably a victim and there is power in just being able to recognise the behaviour as harassment. But if you are not sure, get some clarity on this first, as per the questions in the previous section.
  • Do you have evidence to corroborate your experience? As explained above, it may require more evidence to document abuse of managerial power compared to direct bullying. Documentation of your experience and/or witness support is helpful.
  • Does your organisation have clear policies and procedures for handling reports of harassment? You should be familiar with how to make a formal report and what you can expect to happen when you do.
  • Does your organisation have the ability to protect you from retaliation if you make a complaint? Most policies on harassment also emphasise that retaliation is not permitted. However in practice, it may not always be easy to provide this protection. Transfers, while helpful, may not always be possible particularly in a small organisation. Some firms are willing to offer one of the parties (typically the victim) to work from home or take paid leave while the matter is being investigated.
  • Does your organisation have a good track record for supporting victims of harassment? While an organisation may have good policies and procedures, employees will not have faith in those measures if there have been cases where either victims or the accused are believed to have been treated unfairly.
  • Is everyone in the organisation accountable for their behavior or is the bully “untouchable”? The unfortunate reality of some organisations is that they permit certain employees to behave badly without consequences – for example star performers, or friends and relatives of powerful decision makers. Some people behave badly because they know they can get away with it.
  • Has the bully already poisoned the organisation against you? In extreme cases, by the time you understand that you are a victim of bullying, your manager may have already convinced senior management and/or HR that you are unreliable or a poor performer. This makes reporting – and being believed – a lot harder.
  • Is there an effective mechanism to report bullying anonymously and safely if you do not feel safe to lodge a complaint through the regular process? Some organisations offer a whistleblowing option for anonymous reporting. Anonymous reports make it hard for firms to take action because they are unable to investigate fully. But this option might be the only one a victim is comfortable with.
How to document harassment

Send an email to yourself with details of the incident. Because an email is time-stamped, it shows the record was made close to the time of the incident when your memory was still fresh. It provides a “contemporaneous” record of the incident.

  1. Provide as many details as possible: time, date, who was there, what was said, witnesses, etc.
  2. Say how it made you feel.
  3. Keep it as factual and professional as possible: consider that this note may be used as evidence one day. Avoid seeming unreasonable, biased, or rude.

 

So what can I do?

You have a number of options and strategies you can consider:

  1. Document – this means take notes every time you experience or witness harassment. Do this Every. Single. Time. Even if you ultimately choose not to proceed with a formal report, these notes give you options and help document patterns of behaviour. See the insert on how to take good notes.
  2. Talk to somebody – find a friend, ally, or confident to help you talk through your feelings and uncertainties. It is normal to feel unsure of how to proceed and talking about it with someone you trust will help you figure out how you want to proceed.
  3. Seek assistance/intervention – is it possible there is someone who can speak to the bully and get the behaviour to stop without the need to lodge a formal complaint? Sometimes an informal approach can help mend a situation and maintain a good relationship. The right person may be a peer of your boss who you trust and think could help. Sometimes it could be someone in HR. This option is particularly useful if you think the bully might be open to changing.
  4. Lodge a formal report – file a complaint under your organisation’s harassment policy
  5. Seek legal advice and representation – if you are not satisfied with your organisation’s response, you might consider seeking legal advice. This could be to pursue legal remedies against the perpetrator or the firm.
  6. Go to the police – Sexual Harassment is against the law in most countries. Protection against non-sexual harassment tends to vary more depending on where you live.
  7. Resign – In some cases, you may feel the best thing you can do is move on with your life. Not everyone wants to go through the stress of pursuing a formal complaint. Likewise you may not be willing to continue to put up with regular harassment. Leaving is sometimes the healthiest choice. Prolonged exposure to harassment can lead to both physical and mental health issues. Take care of yourself.
  8. Get advice and counselling – Call a helpline, see a counsellor, get help. Harassment is stressful. Talk to someone about it. What you have been through is traumatic and grossly unfair. You need to heal and put this behind you. This can be hard and you don’t have to do it on your own. Get help. The trauma can bubble up months or even years later if you suppress your feelings about what happened. Please do not underestimate how important this step is.

 

Get Help
For advice on workplace harassment:
Workplace Harassment and Discrimination Advisory
6950 9191
Monday – Friday, 10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
Website

For advice on all forms of gender based harassment:
AWARE Women’s Helpline
1800 777 5555,
Monday – Friday, 10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
Website

Communication in the Virtual Workplace

Communication in the Virtual Workplace

Case Study

On the team’s group chat, someone shared a photo of a model.

“Nice!”
“Hot!”
“OK guys this is not the place.”
“Lighten up, Grace.”

The team leader only saw it a few hours later after the chat had died down. She ignored it. No biggie.Then it became a thing.

Every now and again, one of the guys would post a photo of a model. There would be some appreciation…  and like clockwork Grace would say it was not cool. Soon the jokes were about Grace’s predictable reaction.

One day, Grace spoke to the team leader and said she was disappointed nothing had been done about the situation.

“The guys are just blowing off some steam. It’s no big deal. Boys will be boys. You shared a cat video recently. Same thing.”

Virtual Spaces are Workspaces

Because we spend so much of our personal lives in virtual spaces like chat rooms and social media, it can be easy to bring the same casual attitudes to virtual workspaces.

Behaviour that would be considered unprofessional in our physical office space often happen in our “online offices” because of the habits we have developed when using chat with friends. Slang, shorthand, grammer, memes… there is a culture to personal chat spaces that regularly shows up when we work online.

But such chatter isn’t always appropriate.

So where do I draw the line?

The question to ask is: should anyone have to see or participate in such exchanges as part of their job?

Sure some people like it. But does everyone? Is it making some people uncomfortable?

Is the image or joke at the expense of some group or individual? Does it objectify people or assume some kind of stereotype or bias? Is it inclusive for everyone or could it be divisive? Could it be insensitive, insulting, or offensive to someone with different values or background?

The easiest way to manage such situations is to set clear guidelines on professional behaviour and make sure everyone understands that virtual workspaces are still part of the workplace.

How do I know if a virtual space is part of the workplace?

For some organisations this is easy because digital communication is restricted to internal platforms.

However it is not always clearcut. If it’s not clear, ask these questions:

  1. Why was the space set up? Was it to facilitate communication for something related to work?
  2. Who is in the group? Is it mostly colleagues?
  3. What is the cost of leaving the group? Will leaving be damaging to working relationships? Will leaving mean a person risks missing important info? Will leaving impact networking, bonding and hence career opportunities?

If you answer “Yes” to any of these questions, the virtual space may be considered the workplace.

Factors that do not matter:

  1. Whether or not the device used is paid for by the organisation.
  2. Whether or not someone is using a personal or work account to participate in the space.

So, for instance, the argument “This is my phone and my whatsapp account so I can say what I want” is not a valid reason to act unprofessionally in a whatsapp chat group with colleagues.

Likewise, say a chat was set up for a particular project and after the project was over, everyone stayed in and it became a social forum, it is *still* the workplace.

Humour is a good way for people to bond. Isn’t this an overreaction? Political correctness kills all fun!

Humour absolutely is a great way to connect and reduce stress. But if the humour is at someone’s expense, then you have to ask who is bonding and who is being left out?

In the story above, the example given was one that, in some companies, would be considered sexual harassment. But sexual content is not the only kind of communication that crosses the line. Jokes and comments can also be disrespectful or exclude. If a comment touches on gender, race, body type, sexuality, religion, disability… or any other form of identity, there is a danger that it may be hurtful.

As a manager, WHEN should I draw the line?

Immediately.

Communication in virtual spaces is fast. If someone says or shares something that is inappropriate, the team leader needs to call it out right away in order to signal to everyone on the chat what the standards are. Team members should also feel empowered to call out inappropriate behaviour.

Saying that, it is important to do so in a way that maintains respect for everyone, even the offending poster. The whole point is to ensure the space is one that is respectful.

“Hey all: a gentle reminder that this kind of [comment/post] is *not* acceptable.”

“I know this is meant as a joke but it is a misuse of this chat. Please don’t put me in the position of having to come down on you for not following policy on this.”

“This post is not appropriate here. Please delete it.”

It is better to draw the line sooner rather than later or some people will feel they are being treated unfairly.

“Why is my post not OK but his post was OK?” 

“You’ve never said anything before so it seemed fine. So now you are just picking on me.”

Likewise if the boundaries are not set for the entire group (say because you only speak one on one to the offender) then others might think the behaviour is condoned.

What is the best practice?

Ideally, managers should set communication guidelines before there is an incident.

  • Keep communication professional and on point
  • Ensure your comments are respectful and inclusive
  • Do not share any media that is not necessary for work
  • Organisation rules on communication apply to virtual spaces

And as an ongoing practice, use nudges and clear communication to ensure everyone clearly understands what is acceptable.

Call it out. Call it early. Maintain respect.

 

Discussion Questions
This is an example of the kinds of questions Catalyse may use in facilitated group discussions on this topic.

What was wrong with what was shared? Should Grace accept that seeing these pictures is just part of her job?What would have been a better way for the team leader to handle the situation?

If Grace had never objected, would it have been OK to not intervene?

Given that the team leader is female and she was not upset by the images, does that mean it’s OK?

What could team members have done? What factors play a part in someone feeling empowered to speak up or not?

Does your organisation have policies that would apply to this situation?

Is your company prepared to deal effectively with harassment?

Is your company prepared to deal effectively with harassment?

Has your workplace implemented adequate measures to safeguard against harassment?

All organisations should have comprehensive policies and procedures to manage incidents of harassment so that they are dealt with in a fair and timely manner. Likewise, employees should be trained to to understand what kind of behaviour is unwelcome, how to respond to such behaviour and what support and recourse the organisation can provide.

This short questionnaire will help you identify some of the key areas that should be covered by such safeguards: Download Safeguards Questionnaire  

Note: this questionnaire is for guidance only and is not definitive. This information does not constitute legal advice. No data is collected on our website.
 
Please contact us if you would like to discuss how Catalyse Consulting can assist your organisation with drafting and implementing policies and procedures and/or running training programmes tailored to your organisations needs.
Do you work in a hostile environment?

Do you work in a hostile environment?

A hostile working environment is one where the behaviour of one or more people makes it difficult or uncomfortable for another person to do his or her job. Such behaviour may result in a person feeling discomfort, fear, alarm or distress. This behaviour may be targeted at and individual or at nobody in particular. Likewise intention to cause harm does not matter. In some jurisdictions, employers may be held liable for failing to take steps to prevent hostile work environments.

This short questionnaire will help you identify some of the characteristics of a hostile environment: Download Hostile Environment Questionnaire  

Note: this questionnaire is for guidance only and is not definitive. This information does not constitute legal advice. The legal definition of Hostile Environment may differ in your country. No data is collected on our website.
 
Please contact us if you would like to discuss how Catalyse Consulting can assist your organisation with drafting and implementing policies and procedures and/or running training programmes tailored to your organisations needs.
Workplace harassment: Building a safe and respectful workplace

Workplace harassment: Building a safe and respectful workplace

“The impact of harassment is a violation of human dignity” said Roslina Chai, MD, Catalyse Consulting setting the stage for an afternoon of intense discussions and debate on workplace harassment at the Employers Connect event hosted by Workforce Singapore. Joining her to speak on this platform were Jonathan Yuen, Head, Employment & Benefits and Legal Basix at Rajah and Tann, Choo Phaik Ai, Senior Consultant, Catalyse Consulting and Lye Sam Tho, Head, People Services, Grab.

Moderating and speaking at the event, Roslina unpacked the concept of harassment, contextualizing aspects of behavior that qualified as harassment at the workplace. The majority of incidences of harassment at the workplace are non-sexual or bullying, she noted. As nuanced and intangible as harassment often is, it is for the most part, hard to prove.

Organizations that do not establish clear policies and processes to handle harassment at the workplace are, therefore, wholly unprepared to deal with the pace with which everything devolves when an accusation surfaces.

What can you do as an employer? Roslina recommends a four-step program:

  • Define: Set in place unambiguous policies and time bound processes
  • Train: Equip all employees from first responders to investigators and leadership on how to respond and act to reported incidences at the workplace. Communicate through all channels frequently to make employees aware
  • Culture: Bring about a culture of respect, safety, honesty and one in which there is no fear of retaliation
  • Fairness: Take action as appropriate to the offence. Ensure an atmosphere of transparency

One of the most emotionally impactful sections of the event was speaker Choo Phaik Ai’s recounting of being a target of harassment. A senior consultant with Catalyse Consulting, Phaik Ai spoke with admirable candour of her distressful experiences and of the vulnerability of being without recourse to redress.

Jonathan Yuen, drawing on his extensive experience in the field, walked the audience through the legal environment around workplace harassment. Clarifying the ramifications of the Prevention of Harassment Act, he pointed out that organizations bear a significant responsibility to ensure a safe and harassment free workplace. “Especially so”, he noted, “since Singapore abstained from voting for the ILO Violence And Harassment Convention 2019, an international labour standard that will be legally binding for countries that choose to ratify it. This means that the burden of preventing and managing workplace harassment has shifted to the employers.”

Jonathan also stressed that common mistakes companies make such as inadequate reporting and disciplinary processes and incompetent investigations, could render them open to legal action. What’s more, not having a clear-cut policy and transparent processes could also drive disgruntled employees to air their grievances in public and damage the organization’s reputation.

He spoke of the need for and importance of comprehensible and accessible policies, training of employees and the implementation of reporting and response procedures. “It’s not enough to just set these up. Companies need to walk the talk and make sure there is a climate and culture that demonstrates their commitment to following through. Training is most important”, he reiterated, “to ensure that every one of your employees is aware of the company’s policies and know what channels they can use should the need arise.”

Roslina Chai from Catalyse Consulting and Lye Sam Tho, Head of People Services at Grab speak of Grab’s commitment to building a safe and respectful workplace

So how does a company get it right? Grab, the Singapore based technology company that facilitates ride hailing transport services, food delivery and payment services is in the process of implementing a comprehensive program to make its workplace a safe and harassment free zone for its employees and customers. Lye Sam Tho, who heads People Services at Grab spoke to the audience of the company’s proactive approach. “Safety is paramount for our passengers and our employees. We also felt that with a rapidly expanding employee base, we needed to ensure that everyone understood and absorbed our cultural values.” Grab has partnered with Catalyse Consulting to create policies and processes that set the tone for a harassment free workplace. On-site training for key stakeholders and digital training for every employee is underway.

WSG’s Employers Connect events are a part of its ongoing efforts to transform the local workforce and industry to meet ongoing economic challenges. WSG speaker Sreeganesh Satgunanathan informed the audience about the various Adapt and Grow schemes offered.

Panelists Choo Phaik ai, Jonathan Yuen, Lye Sam Tho and Roslina Chai address questions from the audience

The event closed with the speakers addressing concerns raised by the audience on managing workplace harassment. As they deliberated on the questions, common themes emerged on the parameters to be utilized to identify and classify certain behaviours as bullying and harassment and the impact of establishing such processes on the workplace ethos. Could observers or witnesses raise complaints legally or within the company? Would setting guidelines on what was acceptable and what wasn’t in the workplace negatively impact the spirit of camaraderie within the office as everyone watched what they said?

These and a number of other questions served to emphasize how critical and timely the topic of workplace harassment is and how there needs to be wider dialogue around it. We commend WSG’s proactive efforts to promote awareness around what is often ignored as an uncomfortable and unacknowledged aspect of worklife.

Are you ready to bring diversity to your workplace?

Are you ready to bring diversity to your workplace?

by Roslina Chai, Managing Director, Catalyse Consulting and Ranjana Sabu, Content Creator

It is the right thing to do. It is the smart thing to do. Bringing diversity of thought, shaped by dissimilar perspectives – be it culture, education, gender, or age – to the workplace is critical to be relevant in today’s world.

Reports indicate there is progress, though there is much to be achieved.  As companies set in place policies and processes to expand perspectives and enrich their identities, let’s take a look at some of the challenges they encounter, and how to navigate it.

Rachel W. has been working with a technology firm as an assistant project lead for three years. She is one of the 12 women recruited as part of the firm’s commitment to increasing diversity within the organization. While she has never faced any overt discrimination, Rachel feels she is never fully included in the team. Her male reportees often reach out to other male project leads for input, bypassing her. “I often feel I’ve walked in halfway through a conversation,” she says. “It’s like they’re continuing a discussion they started elsewhere.” Rachel is reluctant to bring it up with her manager, “I don’t want him to think I’m telling tales or sound like I’m in the school yard, not allowed to play.”

Experiences such as Rachel’s are legion across companies where the initiative stops with merely changing the demographic profile of employees. Mere representation of different ethnicities or religions or gender is never enough. To fully unlock the potential of diversity, there needs to be a deep commitment on the part of the organization to ensure that those who are brought in for their voice find the organization willing to listen.

Implementing a successful diversity strategy is a complex endeavour and one that each organization needs to calibrate for itself based on its own identity and priorities.    

Evaluate: The concept of a truly diverse work environment may mean different things to different organizations. Understanding where you are as an organization on the spectrum and what perspectives you need to welcome would help you craft more targeted and meaningful interventions. Set clear objectives of what this program is meant to yield and co-create a roadmap to get there. Leadership needs to position the program as the organization’s priority and not metrics for HR to achieve.  More importantly, it needs to demonstrate the authenticity of the commitment, by leveraging company communication channels to consistently report milestones and keep the principles underpinning the program visibly at the forefront.

Empower your people: There needs to be a recognition of the fact that this journey is not necessarily a smooth one. When instituting changes that significantly alter the way people are used to thinking and interacting, disagreements and discontent are bound to surface. It’s important to make available systems to equip your people with the conversational, behavioural and mindset skills to manage conflict. Explore mechanisms you can set in place for employees to feel confident about speaking up without fear of reprisals or being marginalised. Additionally, there needs to be protocol in place to ensure that there is responsible use of these platforms, visible acknowledgement of issues raised short process cycles for resolution.

Exemplify: In the context of a newly diverse team, seeing company leadership tangibly making time and effort to engage can often prove the fastest and most effective method to validate the program. It is not enough to bring diversity to the table – you need to share the mike. Cascading this, encourage mid management and team leaders to demonstrate how critical it is to draw in and involve newer members in group environments. It can be as simple as listening often, making sure people who are not fluent in the language business is conducted and/or have an accent, are heard and acknowledged or calling on silent participants to share their opinion thereby giving them visibility and voice.

People are multidimensional. They are more than the sum of their gender, race or ethnicity and age. To truly channel the energy and wealth of their experience, organizations need to facilitate an open working environment where every employee feels a sense of belonging and knows that their voice is truly valued. Diversity at the workplace cannot be a one-time campaign – it necessitates an ongoing commitment to continually self-examine and adjust the organizational climate to be effective.  

Follow Catalyse Consulting and stay informed with news and resources tailored to help organisational leaders in Asia cultivate an inclusive, high-performing environment.

Copyright © 2019 Catalyse Consulting. All rights reserved.