Bullying by a manager broadly comes in two forms:

1. Direct sexual or non-sexual harassment – this is the kind of behaviour that can make you uncomfortable or fearful because it is aggressive or inappropriate.
2. Abuse of managerial power – this involves making unreasonable requests, setting impossible deadlines, withholding resources and opportunities and generally making work life extremely stressful.

Direct harassment tends to be easier to identify and label as inappropriate. Rudeness, shouting, getting physical: these are all aggressive behaviours that are clearly inappropriate in the workplace.

Abuse of managerial power can be much harder to pin down. When is a boss being “demanding but fair” vs “unreasonable”? We reward leaders that push their teams to high performance so how can you know when it crosses a line?

Tough boss or bully?

There are a few questions you can ask to get a feel for whether a team leader is engaged in bullying or is just setting demanding but reasonable targets:

1. 1. Is everyone in the team subject to the same standards and workload or are some people being treated worse than others? If some are being single out for poor treatment, this is more likely to be bullying.
   2. Is feedback given with respect or is it insulting? Does the manager use insults and put-downs to “encourage” performance? Insults are not reasonable managerial behaviour.
   3. Is it reasonable to assume the workload is achievable or are the demands clearly impossible to fulfill and setting up employees for failure?
   4. Are deadlines set because of genuine business needs or are they arbitrary? Do deadlines make sense or seem to be set to simply torment the victim?
   5. Where are the demands coming from?  In some cases, there may be a resource issue beyond the control of the team leader. If the stress is coming from higher up in the organisation, this does not mean there isn’t a management problem, but it may not rest with the manager tasked with ensuring targets are met.

Should I report?

How you choose to handle the situation depends on a few factors:

• Are you unsure you are being bullied? If you are feeling afraid and stressed out, you are probably a victim and there is power in just being able to recognise the behaviour as harassment. But if you are not sure, get some clarity on this first, as per the questions in the previous section.
• Do you have evidence to corroborate your experience? As explained above, it may require more evidence to document abuse of managerial power compared to direct bullying. Documentation of your experience and/or witness support is helpful.
• Does your organisation have clear policies and procedures for handling reports of harassment? You should be familiar with how to make a formal report and what you can expect to happen when you do.
• Does your organisation have the ability to protect you from retaliation if you make a complaint? Most policies on harassment also emphasise that retaliation is not permitted. However in practice, it may not always be easy to provide this protection. Transfers, while helpful, may not always be possible particularly in a small organisation. Some firms are willing to offer one of the parties (typically the victim) to work from home or take paid leave while the matter is being investigated.
• Does your organisation have a good track record for supporting victims of harassment? While an organisation may have good policies and procedures, employees will not have faith in those measures if there have been cases where either victims or the accused are believed to have been treated unfairly.
• Is everyone in the organisation accountable for their behavior or is the bully “untouchable”? The unfortunate reality of some organisations is that they permit certain employees to behave badly without consequences – for example star performers, or friends and relatives of powerful decision makers. Some people behave badly because they know they can get away with it.
• Has the bully already poisoned the organisation against you? In extreme cases, by the time you understand that you are a victim of bullying, your manager may have already convinced senior management and/or HR that you are unreliable or a poor performer. This makes reporting – and being believed – a lot harder.
• Is there an effective mechanism to report bullying anonymously and safely if you do not feel safe to lodge a complaint through the regular process? Some organisations offer a whistleblowing option for anonymous reporting. Anonymous reports make it hard for firms to take action because they are unable to investigate fully. But this option might be the only one a victim is comfortable with.

So what can I do?

You have a number of options and strategies you can consider:

1. Document – this means take notes every time you experience or witness harassment. Do this Every. Single. Time. Even if you ultimately choose not to proceed with a formal report, these notes give you options and help document patterns of behaviour. See the insert on how to take good notes.
2. Talk to somebody – find a friend, ally, or confident to help you talk through your feelings and uncertainties. It is normal to feel unsure of how to proceed and talking about it with someone you trust will help you figure out how you want to proceed.
3. Seek assistance/intervention – is it possible there is someone who can speak to the bully and get the behaviour to stop without the need to lodge a formal complaint? Sometimes an informal approach can help mend a situation and maintain a good relationship. The right person may be a peer of your boss who you trust and think could help. Sometimes it could be someone in HR. This option is particularly useful if you think the bully might be open to changing.
4. Lodge a formal report – file a complaint under your organisation’s harassment policy
5. Seek legal advice and representation – if you are not satisfied with your organisation’s response, you might consider seeking legal advice. This could be to pursue legal remedies against the perpetrator or the firm.
6. Go to the police – Sexual Harassment is against the law in most countries. Protection against non-sexual harassment tends to vary more depending on where you live.
7. Resign – In some cases, you may feel the best thing you can do is move on with your life. Not everyone wants to go through the stress of pursuing a formal complaint. Likewise you may not be willing to continue to put up with regular harassment. Leaving is sometimes the healthiest choice. Prolonged exposure to harassment can lead to both physical and mental health issues. Take care of yourself.
8. Get advice and counselling – Call a helpline, see a counsellor, get help. Harassment is stressful. Talk to someone about it. What you have been through is traumatic and grossly unfair. You need to heal and put this behind you. This can be hard and you don’t have to do it on your own. Get help. The trauma can bubble up months or even years later if you suppress your feelings about what happened. Please do not underestimate how important this step is.

Virtual Spaces are Workspaces

Because we spend so much of our personal lives in virtual spaces like chat rooms and social media, it can be easy to bring the same casual attitudes to virtual workspaces.

Behaviour that would be considered unprofessional in our physical office space often happen in our “online offices” because of the habits we have developed when using chat with friends. Slang, shorthand, grammer, memes… there is a culture to personal chat spaces that regularly shows up when we work online.

But such chatter isn’t always appropriate.

So where do I draw the line?

The question to ask is: should anyone have to see or participate in such exchanges as part of their job?

Sure some people like it. But does everyone? Is it making some people uncomfortable?

Is the image or joke at the expense of some group or individual? Does it objectify people or assume some kind of stereotype or bias? Is it inclusive for everyone or could it be divisive? Could it be insensitive, insulting, or offensive to someone with different values or background?

The easiest way to manage such situations is to set clear guidelines on professional behaviour and make sure everyone understands that virtual workspaces are still part of the workplace.

How do I know if a virtual space is part of the workplace?

For some organisations this is easy because digital communication is restricted to internal platforms.

However it is not always clearcut. If it’s not clear, ask these questions:

1. Why was the space set up? Was it to facilitate communication for something related to work?
2. Who is in the group? Is it mostly colleagues?
3. What is the cost of leaving the group? Will leaving be damaging to working relationships? Will leaving mean a person risks missing important info? Will leaving impact networking, bonding and hence career opportunities?

If you answer “Yes” to any of these questions, the virtual space may be considered the workplace.

Factors that do not matter:

1. Whether or not the device used is paid for by the organisation.
2. Whether or not someone is using a personal or work account to participate in the space.

So, for instance, the argument “This is my phone and my whatsapp account so I can say what I want” is not a valid reason to act unprofessionally in a whatsapp chat group with colleagues.

Likewise, say a chat was set up for a particular project and after the project was over, everyone stayed in and it became a social forum, it is *still* the workplace.

Humour is a good way for people to bond. Isn’t this an overreaction? Political correctness kills all fun!

Humour absolutely is a great way to connect and reduce stress. But if the humour is at someone’s expense, then you have to ask who is bonding and who is being left out?

In the story above, the example given was one that, in some companies, would be considered sexual harassment. But sexual content is not the only kind of communication that crosses the line. Jokes and comments can also be disrespectful or exclude. If a comment touches on gender, race, body type, sexuality, religion, disability… or any other form of identity, there is a danger that it may be hurtful.

As a manager, WHEN should I draw the line?

Immediately.

Communication in virtual spaces is fast. If someone says or shares something that is inappropriate, the team leader needs to call it out right away in order to signal to everyone on the chat what the standards are. Team members should also feel empowered to call out inappropriate behaviour.

Saying that, it is important to do so in a way that maintains respect for everyone, even the offending poster. The whole point is to ensure the space is one that is respectful.

“Hey all: a gentle reminder that this kind of [comment/post] is *not* acceptable.”

“I know this is meant as a joke but it is a misuse of this chat. Please don’t put me in the position of having to come down on you for not following policy on this.”

“This post is not appropriate here. Please delete it.”

It is better to draw the line sooner rather than later or some people will feel they are being treated unfairly.

“Why is my post not OK but his post was OK?” 

“You’ve never said anything before so it seemed fine. So now you are just picking on me.”

Likewise if the boundaries are not set for the entire group (say because you only speak one on one to the offender) then others might think the behaviour is condoned.

What is the best practice?

Ideally, managers should set communication guidelines before there is an incident.

• Keep communication professional and on point
• Ensure your comments are respectful and inclusive
• Do not share any media that is not necessary for work
• Organisation rules on communication apply to virtual spaces

And as an ongoing practice, use nudges and clear communication to ensure everyone clearly understands what is acceptable.

Call it out. Call it early. Maintain respect.